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Lie down on this hard floor,
theres nowhere for you,
no were for your home,
you'll have to sleep alone.

you have no place to call your own,
no place to relive your dreams in,
you lie alone on a cold floor,
waiting to go home.
©2005-2009 ~Dyingfish
:icondyingfish:

Author's Comments

Nia-i watered bill yesterday coz he was looking crispy
Gwynne-lol like a noodle?
Nia- yes! or a cloud
Gwynne-mmmm crispy cloud and fried rice


AGREED!

Comments


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:iconthe-grifter:
Tis gd :) I like it, not quite as happy as your last piece but still a very gd poem.....not sure about the whole sleepin on the floor thing - im sure there are more comfortable places to sleep, plus the aloneness.....can get quite cold....:P ;)
Love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:icondyingfish:
hee hee a bit chilly maybe! lol but.....but.....i like shleeping on floors.......but i am strange lol

--
UCLan Raver Till I Die!!!
:glomp:
:iconaddicttionnn:
Damn girl, I have a warm couch over here... shit.

--
If trees could talk, we'd have all the answers.

:bulletpurple: Gallery.
:bulletpurple: Blog.
:icondyingfish:
lol, your crazy!!!!! :hug: nice to hear from you :glomp: hmm couch....is it comfy?

--
UCLan Raver Till I Die!!!
:glomp:
:iconaddicttionnn:
especially comfy :glomp:

--
If trees could talk, we'd have all the answers.

:bulletpurple: Gallery.
:bulletpurple: Blog.
:icondyingfish:
:hug: yey!!!!!!!!! :D

--
UCLan Raver Till I Die!!!
:glomp:
:iconlunalopus:
Hi,
It's a very nice poem. I feel sad and lonely when I read it which is what I suspect you were going for.
I do believe it needs some work to tighten it up.
"apart from your dreams," this line seems akward, like it shouldn't go with that stanza. I think it needs to be rewritten.
nowere-nowhere
Other than that I really enjoyed this piece.

--
Being a mother is more than I could ever hope for. Check my little guy out! Little Billy

Check out my stock account! ~byoi
:icondyingfish:
thank you :D ive changed it now, what do you think?
xXx thanks for the critisism :D xXx

--
UCLan Raver Till I Die!!!
:glomp:

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November 11, 2005
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