Lie down on this hard floor,
theres nowhere for you,
no were for your home,
you'll have to sleep alone.
you have no place to call your own,
no place to relive your dreams in,
you lie alone on a cold floor,
waiting to go home.
Lie down on this hard floor, theres nowhere for you, no were for your home, you'll have to sleep alone. you have no place to call your own, no place to relive your dreams in, you lie alone on a cold floor, waiting to go home. |
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Comments
Love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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UCLan Raver Till I Die!!!
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If trees could talk, we'd have all the answers.
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UCLan Raver Till I Die!!!
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If trees could talk, we'd have all the answers.
--
UCLan Raver Till I Die!!!
It's a very nice poem. I feel sad and lonely when I read it which is what I suspect you were going for.
I do believe it needs some work to tighten it up.
"apart from your dreams," this line seems akward, like it shouldn't go with that stanza. I think it needs to be rewritten.
nowere-nowhere
Other than that I really enjoyed this piece.
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Being a mother is more than I could ever hope for. Check my little guy out! Little Billy
Check out my stock account! ~byoi
xXx thanks for the critisism
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UCLan Raver Till I Die!!!
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